


the fourteenth of february is always cold

by graceynlane



Series: Phan Oneshots [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 16:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15247266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graceynlane/pseuds/graceynlane
Summary: it's Dan's first Valentine's Day without Phil.





	the fourteenth of february is always cold

It was just like every other day, but it wasn't. Dan felt the same as he did everyday, but something was off, for some reason he felt just a little worse than usual. More down than usual. This day didn't seem to blur like all the others did, it stood out for some reason, and Dan had no idea why.

It wouldn't have been their wedding anniversary, because that was months away, Dan knew when that was. It wasn't the day marking one year since he lost the love of this life, because Dan knew for sure that was in a few weeks. Even after looking at the date on the homescreen of his phone, the number 14 and the month February meant nothing to him, but it did, and he knew it and it was aggravating him why he couldn't figure out what significance this day had in his sad, lonely life.

It wasn't until a few hours later that he got a text from his friend Louise, asking him how he was feeling and if he wanted to come over and watch funny movies to get his mind off things, but he forgot about all of that immediately. It was the first three words of the text that he kept looking back to. The three words explaining what day it was, why he was feeling like he wanted to jump off a bridge or down an entire bottle of sleeping pills more than other days.

The first three words of Louise's text read,  _It's Valentine's Day_.

It was fucking Valentine's Day and Dan couldn't stand not spending it like he had for as long as he could remember, doing romantically sappy and cliche things with Phil. When Phil was actually  _there_ , when Dan was actually  _happy._

Dan remembers last year's Valentine's Day. Phil took him to the beach and to a nearby carnival. They stayed up all night watching stupid rom coms in the hotel room or walking on the beach or sneaking into the hotel pool that was supposed to be closed for the night but they went anyway. 

Dan pulls out their photo album that hasn't had pictures added to it for almost a year now. Because what's the point in taking pictures when your beautiful photogenic husband is gone? Dan flips to the very last set of polaroids that had been taken. Of them holding hands on the beach, or kissing on the ferris wheel at the carnival, Phil's arm stretched out to get the shot. He looked at pictures of himself staring off into the sunset or the ocean or him sleeping under the umbrella on the beach. He didn't even know Phil took those.

All of this seemed to have happened so long ago, but at the same time, it felt like it was just yesterday...

_"Happy Valentine's Day, love", Phil whispered to his husband as they stood and watched the sunset. The two were only close enough the the ocean that the waves just hit our feet. Dan stood in Phil's warm, loving embrace, his head rested on Phil's shoulder and Phil's on top of Dan's head._

_"I love you", Dan said, lifting his head up so he could look at him. "I love you so much. More than you'll ever know." A huge smile formed on Phil's face. Dan let out a small laugh as Phil bent down to wrap his arms around the younger's upper thighs and then proceeded to pick him up. Their chests pressed together as the raven haired boy leaned back a bit so Dan was completely off the ground._

_"I love you too", Phil said with a huge smile, planting a sloppy kiss on Dan's lips, making the younger boy let out a small laugh and lean back in to kiss his husband again. Phil gently put Dan back on the ground and pulled him back into the position they were in only moments before. Their arms wrapping around each other bringing back the warmth that was only gone for a few seconds, but it felt like hours, and they both missed it so much._

_"Hey Phil", Dan said, his eyes slowly dropping with weariness from their long day. "Never leave me okay? Like, just stay with me forever. I don't want to go without this, you know? You keep me warm, don't let me be cold."_

_"You must be really tired if you think I would ever consider leaving you", Phil said with a small grin. "But I promise I won't leave you, Daniel Howell, ever. I'll always keep you warm, love."_

Phil had broken his promise. He left Dan cold the day he decided to cross that one street with that one name Dan didn't want to remember. Phil broke his promise when the stupid driver didn't bother to look up from his phone. Phil broke his promise to Dan when the car slammed into him. Broke his promise when Dan watched it all, when a stranger called an ambulance, when Dan screamed his husbands name as he watched the love of his live take his final breath, when Dan broke down in the middle of-

Dan stopped thinking. He had to before he got crazier than he already was.

Dan was cold, and he hated it. Maybe someday he could be warm again, but he knew for sure there would be a few days when the cold was too much and Dan was left shivering and unloved and just wanting to join Phil. And one of those cold days would always be the fourteenth of February, when Dan pulled out the photo album and twenty blankets couldn't keep him warm like Phil Lester did.

_**the end.** _


End file.
